I Hate Privet Hedge

It's overly sweet. It makes me feel allergic, even if I'm not the allergic-type.

But, really, these days, it blooming reminds me of our upcoming break from each other.

We have these great collisions, and then these great troughs away from each other. High highs and low lows.

I just don't know what to think. I try to enjoy the moments, the now. Tomorrow or next Monday or forever seems so far away.

It is sufficient...

Any time, any contact, any of it, it's sufficient.

Thank you for another memorable day.

Surprises!

When you surprise me, you really surprise me.

You did that Friday. I like your expressions of desire more than I try to let on at first, and I fully encourage you to continue with the surprises. I know I’m in a good sort of trouble when you get a twinkle in your eyes. I like the honesty.

I want you constantly. I physically ache for you like no one else, ever. Ever.

Yes, I understand what you’re saying in your last blog post. As I’ve told you before, I don’t think it matters in the court of public or not-so-public family opinion how intimate we are…we’re guilty as suspected in their eyes if any of this ever comes out. I want to touch you, right now, and as often as I can, and I don’t think consummating anything would change that or salve the itch, either. I want you to be comfortable with the decision more than anything, though.

Yes, I’m beating a dead horse.

I have a whole other set of thoughts about the way my emotional side of this is changing (nothing bad, my sweet Eris), but it might have to wait a day or two for my thoughts to gel. Suffice it to say that I increasingly feel all the good things I’ve ever felt about you.

Queen of the Obvious

You make me feel better.  You make me feel more alive.  :/ 

I have a hard time reconciling being honest and not being able to express my feelings for you in the ways that seem most natural.  It's wrong.  But acting out is certainly not right.  Our spouses -- and wider families -- do deserve some sort of say in the matter.

Thank you for yesterday.  I enjoy you.

April Silliness

Yes, I'm silly. Absolutely silly. For some reason, the smell of azaleas makes me think of you. Warm days in spring? Yep, those, too.

I don't know that I deserve more, and you're right that anything is sufficient. I remain patiently and quietly devoted and silly and all that stuff.

Everything's going to be OK, right? Isn't that what I say? I say that to myself when my heart wants to explode from being torn in so many different ways on so many different subjects.