More Clarification?

I would write you a letter, but it would take too long to get there.

I'm not leaving you.  I'm not.  I'm as here with you as I possibly can be.

I just can't give you what I gave you when we spent a majority of our days ten minutes away from each other.  And I feel like this is short-changing you.  Us.

I feel that my constant nagging about your job and your wife making you unhappy was being counter-productive, if not actually hurtful.  I have no new advice to give -- you know your options and you know (I hope) that whatever happens, I will be devoted to you as much as I can be.

Yep.  We're on hiatus.  This doesn't make me happy and, in my head, has less to do with emotions or whatever than it does with geography.  I am having trouble getting you to understand that I got real possessive there for a bit.  I got angry and I had no right to.  I'm not there anymore.  I will take whatever you give me and I will give whatever I can.

Look at all those I-statements!

You are at a crossroads that is bigger than mine is.  You're right.  I might never leave my husband, and if I do, I doubt I will pursue anything traditional.  But be aware -- things are going to change.  I love my job.  I love the South.  Most of the time.  You need as little drama as possible.  And I need to keep reminding you that if this gets too intense -- even in a good way -- I am willing to back-off and let you do what you need to do.  If you decide to pursue another job that would drag you away from me, so be it.  You need to be in a place that isn't actively sucking the life out of you.  I can't fill you up -- I am not enough.  But I will always carry you with me.

Today, I was walking and I felt the imprint of your thumb on the back of my thigh.  Nothing was poking me or near me, I just was suddenly aware that this was exactly what your thumb would feel like running up the seam of a stocking.  It was chilling in the best possible way.

So, we might need to plan a little better.  I'm up for that.  If you can give me any notice at all, I will do everything I can do see you.  I've been unavailable physically and emotionally and I'm sorry.  The whole six weeks or so fucked with my head in ways I wasn't prepared for.  But, I am yours in a way I've never been anybody else's.  Embrace that.  Do what you need to.  We are eternal.