Well, no written response.
Our mutual friend interrogated me fairly well about my life yesterday. It was the whole "what do you want? /what makes you happy?" thing. All sorts of life questions. She's awesome.
We skirted the issue of you as long as we could. It doesn't help that she can read my mind. Yes, the girl actually reads my mind. I'd think something specific, and she'd give me a specific response. It's strange. It's a good strange.
I, of course, admitted I have feelings for you, and the complications thereof. She told me not to feel guilty, to stop beating myself up about it, to embrace them. She swore it was up to me to tell you about the conversation. I didn't say a word about anything mutual between us, or any activities, or anything other than my feelings for you. I said nothing about your feelings.
I felt bad about it, until I realized she already knew...so why bother with the charade, so long as she maintains our confidence? And, that's why I was so careful to only talk about me and my feelings. I don't pretend to speak for you, nor will I ever.
It was a great day with her. We were together for almost 4 hours. We Google chatted after that.
But, damn, I missed you. That's how I know it's you and not this. She's charming, and talented, and beautiful, and all sorts of wonderful things, and I had a great time with her (and in different circumstances I would be willing to have a super-great time with her, wink-wink, nudge-nudge), but she's not you.
She asked if the time with you was worth the pain it causes. I said yes. No matter how complicated, no matter how wrong in the eyes of the world, my moments with you are worth it.
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