I think it's paper... Or glass... Or whiskey... ;)

Has it been a year? I know, you told me the date. It feels like this has always been happening. Unless it feels like it never really happens. It's done all sorts of fucking with my sense of time. I feel that we should somehow commemorate it, but there's nothing appropriate.

Ever.

You're welcome whenever. You have to understand – I'm not being self-congratulatory here – when we're in situations like that, your feelings are just a drop in the bucket. I don't know why or how but I know THAT. Your feelings are not unique. Your public actions with me are not unique. I'm not being dismissive, but to give more detail would be to give to much in this forum. You know what I'm saying, anyhow.

This could just be a crush. It could just be basking in mutual attention. I don't know. I'm not playing you. I don't have that capacity. Even when I flirt with the masses, I think I'm honest about my lack of investment. And with you, I've been clear that it's otherwise. Which is why I worry it.

I don't care to be your thunderbolt or render you speechless or whipped. I can't help it. I like the moments when we can just be us – moments that are becoming rare because who we are is changing quickly. I'm finding myself more willing to take risks – and less willing to pay the consequences. It's a difficult position to be in and mirrors yours.

I don't understand why this isn't okay. But, even before I was in THIS, I didn't understand the push for monogamy in relationships. Seems like the wrong way to do things. Why can't we just be who we are? Why can't we just be people? Why can't things be what they are? It's not just that I think we deserve that freedom, I think everyone does.

That's just me raging against the machine and preaching to the choir.

Our friend is probably right. We'll need to do something – at least make a decision. Eventually, it will be unbearable to be near each other. As it stands, I have to have some pretty sturdy distractions to form anything like a cohesive thought around you. A plan might make us more comfortable. I know that issues on my end – work, paranoia, distractions – have kept me from actually laying eyes (and hands) on you in quite some time. I'm not sure how that's twisting what's in my head. I do know that I have no idea who I am sometimes. When I think about this... It's so out-of-character...

But, I know we won't do anything. We'll just ride this as long as we can – until something outside of it changes. It's not going to be more than this – we're too rational – but we can't make it less.