Oh, yes, the old "responsibility" issue. I'm either to take the blame or solve all problems around me. I mean, no one else will, so...
That little paradigm has gotten very old. What do you do when you're completely out of steam, out of ideas, out of money? What do you do when all you really want to do is be irresponsible?
I want you to think of our perfect days in our secret paradise. Think of the flowers, and the trees, and the moss on the stones, and the breeze, and the sky, and you, and me. Those moments are bittersweet. I wouldn't trade them for anything, but...still.
Because, back here, in the real world, I realize I can't be how I want to be with you, because the world is watching, because I have to watch how long I look at you or how close I get to you or how I say things to you. That was the sadness, the distraction. And I know you want to comfort me, and comfort yourself in the process, and it seems we can't do that.
I'm more grateful for your existence than I could ever express, so I won't try right here. I guess I'll go find something beautiful and dead and think of you. :P
(In my more lucid moments, it occurs to me how teenage angst-y this is. Jeesh.)
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