This is not a typical love story, but it is a love story.
I doubt most people could get past their own judgmental natures to see the beauty of this love story. Most people would call this an affair, and affairs aren’t generally feel-good stories. Stories about such things make us face our own doubts about monogamy. But, this isn’t your typical affair.
It’s easier to say what it’s not than what it is. It’s not about sex, it’s not about wanting to leave a spouse, it’s not about wanting to disrupt the world. It’s, for me, about love, but that sounds simplistic and maybe a bit disingenuous when so much is on the line.
You see, I didn’t mean to fall in love with her. There wasn’t a day I woke up and had some sort of revelation. It was a gradual process that now seems inevitable and unavoidable. We’re both married, and obviously not to each other, so this development is not exactly the best case scenario for either one of us.
Of the six years we’ve known each other, we’ve just admitted (to each other only and now to you...shhhh...you're in on the secret) our special status within the past year. The build-up started in the last couple of years. She’s fascinated me for longer than that.
She haunts every second of my consciousness unless I willfully keep her out. I crave contact, real or virtual, constantly. I keep mental lists of things I must tell her. I’m addicted. I’m intoxicated.
I have no defense.
Other people know, or suspect, we’re more than just friends (though no one has said as much), but I don’t think anyone would believe we are not having a fully physical affair. I’ll try to make sense of this later. Maybe she'll help. Still, does this little detail matter? Would it matter to our friends and families, let alone our spouses?
So, what is this thing, this inconvenient yet delicious undertaking? I'm still not sure, but it's still early in this experience.
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